I
am the type of person that avoids conflict and confrontations, even though I know
they are inevitable. I think well on my feet and I am conscious of my responses
and the other person’s feelings (sometimes a little too empathetic), but I have
a slick tongue and can be very sarcastic. My sarcasm is not always appreciated.
Lol.
This past week I participated in a
heated discussion with my son’s father. We do not see eye-to-eye on many things.
I called him with a suggestion and he quickly jumped on the defensive. I felt
attacked so I became very sarcastic. Transparent moment: I do not understand
why I (as the mother) have to jump through hoops or bend over backwards for him
to see and spend time with his son. This makes no sense to me. The ‘discussion’
ended with me saying “Ok, whatever.” Clearly, nothing was solved and no one’s
needs were met.
This week, I have been learning how
it is important to be empathetic and understand the other person and their
feelings. So I reflected on our discussion and thought of two things I could do
differently next time.
1.
Focus
on the matter at hand and not make any personal attacks. Be mindful of my
sarcastic thoughts so that they do not become my words.
2.
Really
listen to the words of the speaker. Repeat back their words to make sure I have
understood them correctly. By doing this I will be able to focus on their needs
and how I will be able to meet them.
That first strategy is one that I often try to employ myself. I notice that practicing an awareness of what I am communicating often helps me to just calm down and really think about what is happening and allows me to focus in on the real issue and I hope that it does the same for you.
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